Hate. Pure hate.

Despite Sean's having saved the studio from total destruction, I still am quite angry with him. He did threaten to, and in fact he very nearly did, abandon us. After everything we've done for him, that takes some nerve. And too, I have a troubled home life and therefore I come to work looking to vent my spleen on any unfortunates who venture near. And he ventures very near. Can I tell you? Can I say this? His violation of my personal space, his sheer proximal indecency, is an outrage to civil society. And, yes, I hate him with every burning fiber of my raging gargoyle heart.

So, what I'm leading up to here, is I took his spaghetti out of the fridge and threw it at the wall behind his desk. I figured he was too idiotic to guess the culprit, but I discovered my mistake when he approached my cubicle and said, "So, I suppose you want me to believe Oscar Madison did that?"

"He did," I said, hoping to fake him out. "I saw him."

"Oscar Madison is a character in a movie, dummy. Played by Walter Matthau. Actually he was a character in a play first, then he was a character in a movie. Actually, most recently he was a character on a TV series played by Jack Klugman. It lasted for five years, I think. Interestingly, Mickey Rooney was considered for the role, and Martin Balsam..."

In case you're wondering, because I know you are, this represents his usual style of discourse. Like I said, he's an idiot.

Fantasy creatures saved!

We're saved! Sean returned with an army of ass-kicking orcs, routed our attackers, sent them packing, and has brought hope to all of us here at Dragon's Cache Studios. It seems he means business after all. I guess I had him completely wrong. Whether he will come through on his "Sky Thief" game I do not know. But I certainly am grateful that he came around at last. Funny how people can surprise you. Heck, sometimes they can even surprise themselves.

Oh, and he said something about someone not stopping the signal. Whatever that means. Also, he promised the orcs we'd pay them back after they saved us. And they've promised that if we don't pay them, in full, they would attack the castle themselves. Of course, we have nothing left in our cache, so things are looking bleak again. I mean, if they attacked that would be worse than the parents! Whose twisted fantasy is all this anyway? I want a refund.

The end is here

Oh my deities! Sean is quitting! Our fantasy castle is being besieged by the irate parents (and pirates)! Our ramparts are overrun! I am not long for this fantasy world!

Assuming I escape with my life, anyone require the services of a pencil pushing gargoyle? My needs are modest. Crap! There goes Sean, that coward, out the back, yelling something about cutting his losses. Like, what exactly did he invest in our studio anyway? I mean, you'd think he did everything by himself. Or something. Hoo boy, Darla's gonna have a field day when she catches up to him. He'll rue the day he created Dragon's Cache Studios.

Dragon's Crash Studios?

OR, perhaps he does already.

Fantasy creatures out

Ignominiousness minimized?

Having suffered the debasement consequent to his snowman game fiasco, Sean has graced us with a new game idea. No Frosty mutilations involved. In fact, no murdering at all, but shooting. According to him, it embraces what he calls "simple, old-school sensibilities." He goes on to say it's: "a 2-d shooter featuring a bird spitting tiny rocks at enemies." Yes, I know, that's what I said. Interesting title though; he's calling it "Sky Thief." But, 2-d shooter? Who comes up with this bizarre terminology? Not pencil pushers, I assure you. Presently, he's at work on some character designs which I will soon post, along with a better description of what this thing is. Assuming I can get my pencil neck-supported head around it.

Incidentally, as Dragon's Cache Studios is too impecunious to hire a lawyer in our case against the parents, Darla decided to visit each parent in turn to try and make them see reason. Offers were made. Deals were struck. Houses were spared. Well, most were spared. And, yes, someone is camping in their own backyard.

Yet, I can't help but wonder what would happen if they wised up and pooled their resources to retain their own dragon lawyer. The best damned dragon lawyer to torch a bar exam. Talk about singe qua non. Ha. Law humor. Check it out!

Like, oops

The results of our focus group were not to Sean's credit. Turns out, the kiddies didn't exactly plump for snowman mass murder. At all. In fact, they wept bitter "I want my mommy" tears. Seriously. We may have traumatized the poor little buggers. What with Frosty's specific body parts being sniped off, his head exploding under machine-gun fire, not to mention his total obliteration by concussion grenade. Yes, parents were called in. Lawyers (do all parents take their lawyers everywhere with them?) were consulted. Dragon's Cache Studios may not be long for this fantasy universe. Nice going, ace!

So, Sean. I put it to you. Bad idea, the whole "sending Frosty to war" thing? Yathink? And now it's back to square -1 for us. When I said this to Sean his reply was: "not square -1, you frickwit. Square |1|" Is that supposed to be some kind of joke? For whom? Anyone? Anyone?

No one asked you, cricket-people!

Ravings of a madman

Sean's been running about the offices here at Dragon's Cache Studios all morning carrying on in a most disturbing manner. With all his various disruptions, it has become impossible for me to get anything done. Not even the smallest bit of paperwork. Much more of this and I will gladly bring it to Darla's attention, and let the chips fall where they may. He keeps yelling, over and over as if we didn't hear him all the other hundreds of times:

"I'm gonna snipe your ****ing carrot nose off, you ****ing snowfreak!"

Also, something about corn cob pipes. I must say that this sad little fellow needs a tad bit of psychological tweaking. Or perhaps a complete mental overhaul. He appears to have taken complete leave of his senses. And I'm sure they (his senses) are quite relieved to be free of him. I know I would be.

Death of a snowman?

I have to give it to him, while Sean's brainstorm isn't exactly a deluge of creative brilliance, it perhaps adds up to slightly more than a thimbleful of meh. One thing it will deliver on, apparently, is the gunfire. He wants to create a war simulation involving armies of...well, snowmen. He says, "They're cute and you can still blow their heads off." Strange human. He's particularly keen on something he terms "snowman sniping." Also, since he so often revels in the messing with of people's heads, he's chosen one particularly odd location: a volcano. Wouldn't you think that would be a mite warm for Cool and the Gang? "That's the point," he says, "it will add a nice urgency to the final level as your snowman squad must battle against time as they start to get all squishy and turn into puddles." One gets the idea he's played a few of these things. As for the title, he suggested: The Big Frozen One, the Snowy Dozen, Full Metal Snow Cone, or Hamburger Chill.

Next up: As per Darla, a few focus group studies to see what the kiddies say. I'd love to see what they think of my personal favorite title: Kiss Your Frosty the Snowman Goodbye!